"I don't," he smiles. "If I ever did feel that way, it would be because of something I did. Not anything you did. If you ever left...it would be my own fault..."
She finally looks up at him, more upset at what she's done than anything he could have. "If...something...does happen, do you want to know? Or do you think it should be kept to ourselves?"
"See, this is what I wanted you to talk about," he sighs. "But if you don't want to tell me, why mention that it's stupid?" Goddard takes her hand and kisses it.
Feeling like a total idiot, she glances up at him. "I'm not very good at this, am I? See...It's not that it's someone," she explains in a whisper. "It's that it's him. He makes me feel like a petty, selfish child."
"No, it's just his way. I always feel like he's judging me against some impossible measurement. He doesn't say or do anything. I just always feel like he's laughing at me. Like I'm not good enough."
Goddard frowns. "His opinion doesn't matter lecai, and If he does do that, I'm sure he does it to everyone. The gods know he does it to me, and to my face..."
"Oh..." Goddard looks down and smooths back a stray piece of hair. "Is that what you expected of me? To have no one else but you, even though...I mean...the way I've always been has been...well..."
"No!" she says hastily. "I've always knew there were others before- and I've never asked you for anything you couldn't give me. But it was just you and me for so long..." She shrugs.
"Don't," she says softlt, squeezing his hand. "I always knew our travels would come to an end and I'd have to face it. I just hoped they would all be nameless, faceless nobodies. I'm the selfish one."
"When I end up in a er...situation...I feel awful. All I can think of is how I can't do it...and then I...but then I feel like...like an ass. A camel's ass even."
Her hunger returns full force, serving its own reminder, and she grabs a dark plum. "I hope Gill doesn't notice I took all this," she says, savoring the sweetness.
"Drink is unnecessary when I can breathe in the loveliness of my Kryn."
Aara laughs. "What poetry! I had no idea you could speak like that."
Two laughs with them. "My heart soars, Four!" He tells her, pulling her to her feet and dancing her around the room. "I thought I knew love, but the princess is a poor pale comparison to my goddess of pastries."
Aara disentangles from Two and sits back down. "She is a baker's daughter," she reminds him, leaning on Goddard. "Tell us what's happened, Two."
Two collapses at their feet on the floor. "We were walking in one of those pretty gardens in the Ladies' Ward, and she told me that she had shunned all her other lovers and is in love with me."
Aara gasps comically and spins around to wrap her arms and legs around him. "I love hearing it," she argues, nuzzling his shoulder. "I'm just one of those complicated females who needs to be told and shown repeatedly."
"Well that's because you're a little insane, Four."
Aara poles Goddard in the ribs and laughs. "Habibi, write her a letter you adorable dolt. I have some stationary in my desk. Have it delivered in the middle of her morning work."
She grins against his shoulder. "Yes, I know. Two is probably the most loathsome person in all the worlds to you," she giggles. "That's why he does it."
"He loves deeply," she tells him, remembering the princess he'd fallen so much in love with he didn't get his marques. "But he was hurt deeply, too. I imagine he uses arrogance and foolishness as a mask."
She leads him to her bedroom, tugging off his robes and putting him into bed. "I won't be up long," she promises, kissing him and brushing his hair from his face. "I love you so much, nuur'eni."
"Or was it something else that happened. I'm sorry if it was something else lecai."
ReplyDeleteSuddenly not hungry, she puts down the piece of fruit she'd picked up. "No."
ReplyDeleteGoddard wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of her head. "It's alright."
ReplyDeleteShe's quiet a long time in his arms. "Goddard...we never discussed if we should tell each other," she says softly. "Do you want to know?"
ReplyDelete"I just want to make sure nothing happened to you. To make sure you weren't hurt in some way."
ReplyDelete"Nothing happened. Not really. I just..." You promised to be honest with him. And if you can't tell him, who can you tell?
ReplyDelete"I feel guilty," she says in a small voice.
Goddard chuckles softly. "Don't be. I'm the last person you should feel guilty around."
ReplyDelete"But I do." She still won't look up at him. "I don't ever want you to feel like you might lose me. Like I'm not committed."
ReplyDelete"I don't," he smiles. "If I ever did feel that way, it would be because of something I did. Not anything you did. If you ever left...it would be my own fault..."
ReplyDeleteShe finally looks up at him, more upset at what she's done than anything he could have. "If...something...does happen, do you want to know? Or do you think it should be kept to ourselves?"
ReplyDelete"Well..." Goddard closes his eyes for a moment. "What would make you feel better? Knowing? Not knowing?"
ReplyDelete"I don't know," she says honestly. "I-" She scwols and cuts herself off.
ReplyDelete"What is it lecai? I think for you, holding something in, is worse than any reaction I could possibly have."
ReplyDeleteShe takes a deep breath, her scowl deepening and looks away. "I'm just so damnably jealous of him," she mutters.
ReplyDeleteGoddard looks confused. "Who?"
ReplyDelete"Gath," she says, his name sounding like a curse.
ReplyDelete"Gath? Why would you be jealous of him?"
ReplyDelete"Because- because it's stupid," she mumbles.
ReplyDelete"Because he's awful and you're my sweet lecai?" he chuckles.
ReplyDelete"Don't make fun of me," she grumbles, stepping away and sitting down.
ReplyDeleteGoddard sits down next to her. "I'm sorry lecai. I'll put on my serious face. Talk to me."
ReplyDelete"What else is there? You asked me to always tell you how I feel, so there it is: I'm jealous."
ReplyDelete"Alright," he frowns. "I just didn't understand why."
ReplyDeleteShe takes a deep breath. "It's stupid..."
ReplyDelete"See, this is what I wanted you to talk about," he sighs. "But if you don't want to tell me, why mention that it's stupid?" Goddard takes her hand and kisses it.
ReplyDeleteFeeling like a total idiot, she glances up at him. "I'm not very good at this, am I? See...It's not that it's someone," she explains in a whisper. "It's that it's him. He makes me feel like a petty, selfish child."
ReplyDelete"Did he say something again?" Goddard grumbles.
ReplyDelete"No, it's just his way. I always feel like he's judging me against some impossible measurement. He doesn't say or do anything. I just always feel like he's laughing at me. Like I'm not good enough."
ReplyDeleteGoddard frowns. "His opinion doesn't matter lecai, and If he does do that, I'm sure he does it to everyone. The gods know he does it to me, and to my face..."
ReplyDelete"I guess I just need to try and get used to the idea that I'm not the only one anymore," she mumbles. "It's not easy."
ReplyDelete"Oh..." Goddard looks down and smooths back a stray piece of hair. "Is that what you expected of me? To have no one else but you, even though...I mean...the way I've always been has been...well..."
ReplyDelete"No!" she says hastily. "I've always knew there were others before- and I've never asked you for anything you couldn't give me. But it was just you and me for so long..." She shrugs.
ReplyDelete"I'm sorry lecai...I feel so selfish..."
ReplyDelete"Don't," she says softlt, squeezing his hand. "I always knew our travels would come to an end and I'd have to face it. I just hoped they would all be nameless, faceless nobodies. I'm the selfish one."
ReplyDelete"I thought that too," he mumbles. "Stupidity on my part. I'm sorry."
ReplyDelete"I'll learn," she promises. "Just...do what you want. If it bothers me I'm sure I'll find a way to let you know," she laughs.
ReplyDelete"The thing is...it's been bothering me," he admits. "I know I still do stupid things, but it feels wrong."
ReplyDelete"It bothers you? I don't understand."
ReplyDelete"When I end up in a er...situation...I feel awful. All I can think of is how I can't do it...and then I...but then I feel like...like an ass. A camel's ass even."
ReplyDelete"Maybe we both have some learning to do?"
ReplyDelete"I'm learning that I don't want just anyone anymore. So there may be hope that I will want no one else but you one day."
ReplyDelete"Does that bother you, too?"
ReplyDelete"It's...different than how I thought I would live my life. I suppose it's natural for someone to change something for someone they love."
ReplyDeleteShe bites her lip and looks down. "Isn't that part of it? Changing to be the best for the person you love?"
ReplyDelete"Yes." He softly chuckles and says, "Funny how we are sort of moving in our own opposite directions."
ReplyDeleteHer breath catches and she looks up quickly. "You don't think...?"
ReplyDeleteHe looks at her curiously. "Hmm?"
ReplyDelete"You don't think we're moving in opposite directions...p-permantly?" she asks fearfully.
ReplyDeleteGoddard laughs. "You don't want to end up like me lecai?"
ReplyDeleteI love you, but damn...
ReplyDelete"Goddard, this isn't the end of our relationship, is it?"
"No! No, lecai, why would you ever think that?"
ReplyDelete"You said- opposite directions- and-" Aara breaks off into short gasps.
ReplyDeleteGoddard laughs. "No lecai, I meant that I'd end up the one who has no one else and you'd end up the one who has everyone."
ReplyDeletePutting a hand to her heaving chest, she tries to take deep breaths as the sudden tightness in her chest subsides. "Oh...all right..."
ReplyDelete"Except you wouldn't have to worry about me being upset when I see this," he taps her chin and smiles.
ReplyDeleteShe covers her mouth and flushed. "I didn't realize...I would never have let you see it othwrwise, nuur'eni."
ReplyDelete"It doesn't matter." He leans close and nuzzles her neck. "This just shows me I can kiss you longer without being irritating."
ReplyDeleteShe leans her head to the side to give him more access. "The lack of scruff makes a big difference," she sighs.
ReplyDeleteHe kisses her neck a bit before pulling back. "But we should be eating. I'm starving and so are you."
ReplyDelete"Hmm?" she asks, looking at him with glazed eyes. "I am?"
ReplyDelete"That's why you went to get food, remember?" He grins and bites into a piece of fruit.
ReplyDeleteHer hunger returns full force, serving its own reminder, and she grabs a dark plum. "I hope Gill doesn't notice I took all this," she says, savoring the sweetness.
ReplyDelete"I don't think he'd mind even if he did."
ReplyDelete"I did steal his cake..."
ReplyDelete"Maybe we should eat that first then. Get rid of the evidence."
ReplyDeleteShe hands him a fork. "I like that plan."
ReplyDeleteGoddard cuts a large piece off and takes a bite. "This is great! I'd give him a compliment, but that would most likely get us into trouble."
ReplyDelete"Maybe," she laughs. "He might make us go to another of his fancy dinners in repayment."
ReplyDelete"Oh no. I'm not sure I can stand any more of those."
ReplyDeleteShe rolls her eyes. "It was just one. They don't exactly demand a lot of our time."
ReplyDelete"One for now. I'm surprised they haven't forced us to come to another."
ReplyDelete"A shame that dress will go to waist..."
ReplyDelete"You could wear it around and then I could rip it off?"
ReplyDeleteShe raises an eyebrow. "Hmm. Perhaps."
ReplyDelete"Or would that be more of a waste?"
ReplyDelete"It was a pretty expensive dress," she conceeds. "Maybe I'll just leave it in the cabinet until it's needed."
ReplyDeleteThe door opens and Two comes in, grinning ear to ear. "Hello my lady! What a particularly fine night it is!"
"Um...all right."
"Are you drunk Two?"
ReplyDeleteHe snatches up a few pieces of fruit and start juggling. "I am quite well, Sheik."
ReplyDeleteAara laughs, watching him. "What is it, Two?"
"I am in love with the fairest of ladies, and that rose-skinned goddess has confessed she is in love with me."
Goddard let's out a laugh. "You're drunk for sure Two."
ReplyDelete"Drink is unnecessary when I can breathe in the loveliness of my Kryn."
ReplyDeleteAara laughs. "What poetry! I had no idea you could speak like that."
Two laughs with them. "My heart soars, Four!" He tells her, pulling her to her feet and dancing her around the room. "I thought I knew love, but the princess is a poor pale comparison to my goddess of pastries."
Goddard shakes his head. "Goddess of pastries? I still don't believe your sober."
ReplyDeleteAara disentangles from Two and sits back down. "She is a baker's daughter," she reminds him, leaning on Goddard. "Tell us what's happened, Two."
ReplyDeleteTwo collapses at their feet on the floor. "We were walking in one of those pretty gardens in the Ladies' Ward, and she told me that she had shunned all her other lovers and is in love with me."
"Is shunning others a growing theme?" Goddard mumbles to himself.
ReplyDelete"What?"
ReplyDeleteAara waves her hand slightly to distract him. "Nothing, habibi. Did you tell her you loved her as well?"
Two gives her an impish grin. "I took her into some nearby bushes and showed her, my lady."
"What? No, you have to tell her!"
"I do?"
Goddard laughs again, shaking his head. "I understand love better than Two? That's...interesting. Of course you have to tell her!"
ReplyDelete"You idiot," she laughs.
ReplyDelete"But I showed her!"
Aara laughs and puts her bare foot on this chest. "Women aren't like you men. You will take the actions of love, we need the words."
Two frowns, looking adorably confused. "Sheik, is this true?"
"I tell Aara I love her all the time. It doesn't actually help either, but she likes hearing it."
ReplyDeleteAara gasps comically and spins around to wrap her arms and legs around him. "I love hearing it," she argues, nuzzling his shoulder. "I'm just one of those complicated females who needs to be told and shown repeatedly."
ReplyDelete"Well that's because you're a little insane, Four."
"I love your insanity lecai," Goddard smiles. "I admit, I like hearing it too."
ReplyDelete"Good, because you're madder than I am," she teases, kissing his nose.
ReplyDelete"You two are disgusting."
"What about you and Kryn?"
"We are refreshing and adorable, dammit!"
"You didn't tell her you loved her. There really isn't a 'we' if you both didn't say it. Way to mess up Two..."
ReplyDelete"But she knows...she has to know..."
ReplyDelete"She's not a mind reader Two. No one...well...very few people are! She bakes. I doubt she's studied magic to read your mind."
ReplyDelete"She does...things...she has magic!"
ReplyDelete"But she's probably not a mind reader, moron."
Two's delirious joy starts to drain. "I can't go tell her now! Her father told me to go home and not come back till tomorrow afternion!"
Aara sighs and rolls her eyes, laughing at him.
"That could be it Two. You missed saying three words. Who knows what tomorrow will bring."
ReplyDelete"What? No!"
ReplyDeleteAara poles Goddard in the ribs and laughs. "Habibi, write her a letter you adorable dolt. I have some stationary in my desk. Have it delivered in the middle of her morning work."
"I guess that could work," Goddard nods. "Hopefully, that won't be too late..."
ReplyDelete"Nuur'eni stop that!"
ReplyDelete"Fine fine," he mumbles. "I can't have any fun can I?"
ReplyDeleteTwo shoots him a charring smile. "Well if Four doesn't mind..."
ReplyDelete"What? Giving you paper? I'm sure she wouldn't mind, she offered! Why are you smiling at me?"
ReplyDelete"I don't think that's what he means," Aara whispers.
ReplyDelete"What does he...oh...OH! No!Go write your stupid letter."
ReplyDeleteAara and Two laugh, and he goes to retrieve his paper. Alone, she trails kisses along Goddard's shoulder in between nibbles of bread and cheese.
ReplyDelete"You know that isn't what I meant. Right?"
ReplyDeleteShe grins against his shoulder. "Yes, I know. Two is probably the most loathsome person in all the worlds to you," she giggles. "That's why he does it."
ReplyDelete"I haven't met enough people to have anyone worse than him," he says through a yawn. "Is it possible for Two to love anyone besides himself?"
ReplyDelete"He loves deeply," she tells him, remembering the princess he'd fallen so much in love with he didn't get his marques. "But he was hurt deeply, too. I imagine he uses arrogance and foolishness as a mask."
ReplyDelete"I guess that's understandable. I won't poke anymore fun at him tonight. If I can stay awake any longer that is."
ReplyDeleteAara unwraps herself from around him and stands. "Then let's go to bed," she suggests with a wicked grin. "You deserve a rest..."
ReplyDelete"Did you finish eating? You can keep eating if you're still hungry. I can sleep anywhere. Even here." He closes his eyes and yawns again.
ReplyDeleteShe pulls him to his feet. "Let me tuck you in, at least," she says. "It's the least I can do after how well you took care of me when I was sick."
ReplyDeleteGoddard nods and slowly gets to his feet. "I guess I can at least let you tuck me in."
ReplyDeleteShe leads him to her bedroom, tugging off his robes and putting him into bed. "I won't be up long," she promises, kissing him and brushing his hair from his face. "I love you so much, nuur'eni."
ReplyDelete"I love you too lecai," he murmurs, reaching up to gently touch her cheek before he gets snuggles in the blankets.
ReplyDeleteWith a smile, she makes a small gesture and whispers the lamp to dim before grabbing her journal and going back to the common room to make tea.
ReplyDelete