"If you don't know the antidote, then it will kill you. I, however, just drank it. In will be sick, go to bed early and have some rather vivid hallucinations, and wake up tomorrow thirsty." She turns in her chair to look at him. "If you trusted me, you'd believe me."
"How am I supposed to trust you when you pull these stunts because you're mad at me? What Am I supposed to do? Sit in my room all day and pore over books and nothing else? Just so I don't do anything to make you mad?"
ReplyDeleteFor the first time she raises her voice slightly. "I did not do this because I was mad at you. I went downstairs because I was mad at you. I left the inn because I wanted Gath to leave me alone. I did this because the opportunity arose and I wanted to learn more. I'm not so young and stupid to want to throw myself out of windows over something small anymore." She turns back and starts braiding her hair.
ReplyDelete"Then why compare it to what I did? As if it's anywhere remotely similar?"
ReplyDelete"You're overreacting about this. What was it you wanted to talk about, and are you sober enough?"
ReplyDeleteGoddard stands. "Should I even tell you? How do I know you won't run off and decide it's time for another horrific hobby?"
ReplyDelete"I didn't run off. I went out. I have told you over and over that my feelings about you were not connected to what I did."
ReplyDelete"So you don't care? Then, this'll be easier and it can start getting better before it gets worse." Any confidence or courage he seemed to have is suddenly gone. "I-I wasn't alone."
ReplyDelete"I didn't mean that and you..." She stares at him, hardly noticing the antidote taking effect. "Gath."
ReplyDeleteThat's Why he kept talking to me. Why he approached me. That's the strange smell I noticed earlier. I thought it was something in the garden... Goddard's strange behavior, Gath's sudden desire to speak to her in the bar, it all starts falling into place.
"I see," she says, getting to her feet. She picks up her bucket, her entire body trembling, and heads for the bathroom. Halfway across her room her knees given out and she sinks to the floor, gasping for breath.
Before everything even has a chance to click in her mind, Goddard begins to apologize. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It just happened!"
ReplyDeleteWhen she gets up, he follows her and gasps when she falls. "Lecai!" He scoops her up and carries her into her room, gently placing her down on her bed.
Ad soon as he sets her down, Aara flinches away from him, her face unreadable. The news, while not particularly shocking, hurts more than she anticipated, and the nausea from her experiment is nearly overwhelming.
ReplyDelete"Please don't," she says softly, getting to her feet. Aara stumbles into the bathroom and locks both doors before becoming violently sick.
Goddard hears the latch click and bangs on the door. "Lecai! I'll break it if I have to! I don't care how mad Tallyn gets!" He begins to panic when he hears her and without another thought, shatters the handle and latch on the door then rushes in.
ReplyDeleteShe's lying on the floor, taking slow, deep breaths. "I warned you," she says, almost laughing before rolling over and hanging over the bucket again.
ReplyDeleteGoddard cringes but moves to kneel beside her and rubs her back.
ReplyDeleteHurt and angry and desperately not wanting to be either right now, she tries to push him away, knowing his distaste.
ReplyDeleteAhh gods! Gill and Tallyn warned me it would feel like this, she thinks, waving him off.
"I'm not going anywhere," Goddard says, making sure none of her hair gets in her face.
ReplyDeleteGo away. You did what I told you you could -what I encouraged- and now I don't want to see you.
ReplyDeleteUnable to speak, she focuses on breathing and rinsing the charcoal from her mouth in between bouts of sickness.
Goddard quietly sits beside her and runs his fingers through her hair, wishing he could do more for her.
ReplyDeleteWhen it finally passes, she leans against the tub, exhausted, and tried to process everything that's happening.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I lost track of time. Maybe I hallucinated the whole thing.
"Do you need help back to bed?"
ReplyDeleteYes. I'm certain I can't make it on my own.
ReplyDelete"No," she says instead, covering her eyes with her hand.
"I can't just leave you here, unless you feel like you're going to be sick again."
ReplyDeleteShe pulls her knees up to her chest and lays her head down on them. "I didn't do this because I was mad at you," is all she says.
ReplyDeleteAm I capable of being endlessly forgiving? He didn't want me to use daggers- was adamant about it- but to let Gath...I don't know if that is something I can forgive.
"I know," he says softly. Goddard sits behind her and puts his arms around her. "There are better ways to learn though."
ReplyDeleteShe flinches when he touches her. "Don't."
ReplyDeleteGoddard frowns and he sits back. "I didn't go to him if that means anything."
ReplyDelete"It doesn't matter how it happened."
ReplyDelete"Did I ruin everything we had?"
ReplyDelete"No. I encouraged you to pursue him if you wanted."
ReplyDelete"Then why do I feel like I messed up? I'm so sorry."
ReplyDelete"I don't know," she says flatly.
ReplyDelete"Do you want me to leave? Or can I continue to grovel until you might forgive me?"
ReplyDelete"I forgive you for sleeping with him."
ReplyDelete"You do? Oh thank you lecai," he says between deep breaths.
ReplyDeleteShe gets uncertainty to her feet, not sure they'll hold her. "But not for letting him cut you," she says, walking back to her room.
ReplyDeleteThere's a series of panicked knocks on the door, with Gill shouting her name, but she ignores it and curls up on the floor.
Goddard Goddard tries to help her to her bed. "He didn't. I did that on my own. He came to check on me because I threw Sethai out and he was being...distracting."
ReplyDeleteAara just pulls herself into a small ball.
ReplyDelete"Aara?" they hear as Gill unlocks the door. "Aara!"
"There's the backup," she says softly.
"Not a single one of those was him. I promise. Please believe me."
ReplyDeleteBefore she can answer, Gill runs into the room. "I'm going to kill him," he mutters, lifting her up. "Then have him brought back so I can kill him some more. Sit up, you spectacular idiot," he says, pulling her to a sitting position.
ReplyDelete"Ustadh," she chirps, her voice rough and hoarse. "I wasn't ready. You didn't keep me long enough."
"I'm sure I'm sorry," he mumbles, looking into her eyes. "She's vomited?" he asks Goddard.
"Yes, did you know about this?"
ReplyDelete"There was a note," he explains. "She left it for Tallyn but he's out so it was brought to me. Good thing too. Lock's methods are extreme, but he's a good teacher."
ReplyDelete"She sent you a note? And I was sitting probably right in front of you, and you didn't think to tell me?"
ReplyDelete"I literally just got it, she left it at the bar with one of the assistants. If I had seen you I'd have warned you."
ReplyDelete"
Aara frowns. "Ustadh you're rude."
"Terribly sorry."
"Can't you help her with this sort of thing? So she doesn't have to go to someone who will poison her?"
ReplyDelete"I've never really used poison, but this is only the first lesson. Lock tends to require adequate commitment before taking a student. He figured if they live through this, they won't turn him in after he's done with them. Look up, Aara."
ReplyDelete"That's not my name. My name is Four."
Gill gives him a confused look.
Goddard raises a brow. "Is she going to be out of it for a while? That's what Two calls her." He looks down at Aara. "Lecai, the only one who calls you that is Two."
ReplyDelete"Ustadh is right there, Nuur'eni."
ReplyDelete"She's hallucinating. Go with it. She could do it for a while."
Goddard sighs. "Alright."
ReplyDeleteGill grabs a candle and waves it in front of her eyes. "Her pupils are responding, so that's good. How do you feel, Four?"
ReplyDelete"Terrible. Goddard and Gath decided it was time to-"
"Not say anything else," Gill laughs. "Did Lock give you anything else?"
"No, Ustadh."
Goddard looks off to the side as his ears droop.
ReplyDelete"Well that wasn't any of my business," Gill chuckles.
ReplyDelete"I forgive him, though," she tells him.
"That's good of you."
"How could I not?"
"I don't deserve you," Goddard mumbles to himself.
ReplyDelete"He's pretty adorable," Gill agrees, looking at her fingernails.
ReplyDelete"Ustadh! You leave him alone! If he heard that-"
"Stick your tongue out, Four."
"She probably thinks I'd be all over you for saying that. Am I that bad?"
ReplyDeleteGill grins. "What will he do?"
ReplyDelete"He'll break your heart," she tells him, patting his hand. "Because he loves me so much."
Goddard looks a bit surprised then smiles. "She-she's not lying."
ReplyDeleteGill nods. "I know, Four. I'll be careful around him. But you're feeling pretty sleeping, aren't you?" She nods. "But listen to me, you can't go to sleep yet. You'll probably be sick some more, and the more you move around the sooner you'll feel better. Now I can take a walk with you if you want, or..." He looks at Goddard. "Or we can send for Two."
ReplyDelete"If you fall asleep, you won't be able to train and get better right? Should I find Two for you lecai?"
ReplyDelete"I'm sleepy," she rasps.
ReplyDelete"No no, your Nuur'eni is going to walk you around for another hour."
"Ustadh he doesn't speak Arabyan. He doesn't know what you want."
Gill chuckles and lets her lie down. "Keep her awake and moving for another hour. If there's anything left to come up it will." He looks down at her and sighs. "Considering the effects of nightshade, this isn't so bad."
"Thank you Gill. Again. Sorry if I was snappy."
ReplyDeleteHe nods. "Just play along with whatever she thinks is happening. It'll be easier that way. She'll feel wretched, but should be fine in an hour or two."
ReplyDeleteGoddard nods and turns to Aara. "Alright lecai. Let's get you walking around."
ReplyDelete"Ustadh said I should sleep."
ReplyDelete"No. He said you need to move around for at least an hour. So let's go."
ReplyDelete"Oh." She lets him help her up, holding on to his arm against the dizziness. "Lesson one is awful," she groans.
ReplyDelete"Yes...it can be," he grumbles, thinking about how this first 'lesson' in poison is going.
ReplyDelete"Will you tell Goddard I'm sorry?"
ReplyDeleteGoddard tilts his head. "Oh...yes..." Who does she think I am then?
ReplyDeleteShe leans her head against his arm, sighing deeply. "I get so confused. Hey look! A bird!"
ReplyDeleteDoes she think I'm Two? Merciful Morr...I hope she doesn't think I'm Two... "Hmmm yes Aara, birds."
ReplyDelete"He thinks I'm reckless, doesn't he?" She asks. "Do you think he's mad?"
ReplyDelete"You are reckless," Goddard says. "He's probably a little mad but only because he loves you so much."
ReplyDelete"That's why I could forgive him anything," she says with a small smile. "Even when he's a rat. Because I'm a rat, too. Except he's not a rat as much as..." She shrieks and jumps up, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Rats! Everywhere!"
ReplyDelete"It's alright," he says, trying to keep from falling and dropping her. "Who's the biggest rat?" Please be Two. Goddard turns and carriers her for a few steps before putting her back down.
ReplyDelete"Me," she says miserably.
ReplyDeleteGoddard sighs. "No you aren't. Why would you think that. If anything...he is. A huge one. He is taller after all," he smiles.
ReplyDelete"Nooo, he's perfect."
ReplyDelete"And so are you."
ReplyDeleteShe rolls her eyes. "Tarik I drink poison and kill people. I don't think that's perfect. But Goddard, he's my Nuur'eni..."
ReplyDelete"With that logic, no one is perfect. But you're perfect for him."
ReplyDelete"Do you think so? Sometimes I'm not sure...sometimes I think he might deserve someone who understands better," she sniffles.
ReplyDelete"He told me he thinks he feels maybe you deserve someone who has more self control," he sighs. "You have time to understand. He doesn't have time to change the rat he is."
ReplyDelete"Changing him is silly," she scolds. "Asking a cat to change his stripes. I don't want anything but for him to love me."
ReplyDelete"He does. More than you could ever know."
ReplyDelete"How do you know?" she giggles. "You're dead. And I'm drugged."
ReplyDelete"Well. I'm dead, he talks to the dead, it just works," he says with a grin.
ReplyDelete"That makes sense..."
ReplyDeleteThe minutes seem to drag on as Goddard tries to occupy Aara and he wonders if she'll remember any of this or anything before it.
ReplyDeleteTwo strolls in and sees Aara and Goddard walking around the apartment. "Ahh...I thought she was feeling better?"
ReplyDelete"I lost track of time," Goddard sighs. "Has it been an hour lecai? You probably don't know anyway..."
ReplyDelete"It's been days and our Ustadh said I'm supposed to sleep."
ReplyDeleteTwo frowns. "Our Ustadh?"
"He told you to keep moving, remember? We were supposed to walk."
ReplyDelete"Why?"
ReplyDelete"Uh...Sheik, what's wrong with her?"
"Training. The lessons." Goddard turns to Two and says, "If I told you now, you'd probably have the same reaction I had and she doesn't need that right now."
ReplyDelete"Oh my lesson! Two I drank poison!"
ReplyDelete"What?" He rushed over and starts checking her kver, looking into her eyes and pulling her tongue out. "Why would you do that?"
She mumbles, unable to answer because he has her tongue in his hand.
Goddard sighs. "She wanted to learn and instead of coming to one of us, she went off to some who has their students drink poison then come back if they survive the first one."
ReplyDelete"Oh, well that's a good way to learn," he says and lets her go. "What was it?"
ReplyDelete"Belladonna!" she says excitedly.
"Wait...really? I can't believe what I'm hearing..."
ReplyDelete"How else do you learn? By doing," he says with a shrug. "Ustadh would approve."
ReplyDelete"He was here! He was rude," she adds.
Two chuckles and smoothes her hair. "Damn I hope you remember this."
"You're both crazy. Learning magic is one thing, but this whole poison thing?"
ReplyDelete"Of many things, Aara is an assassin, Sheik."
ReplyDelete"You drank that option and could have died," she reminds him.
"I do extensive research and planning before I drink anything."
ReplyDelete"So did I." Aara puts a hand to her head. "My head hurts."
ReplyDelete"Still dizzy?"
"Not really?"
"I don't think a few hours is extensive research and planning..."
ReplyDeleteTwo flops into a chair. "I doubt this is a new interest," he laughs. "Is it Four?"
ReplyDeleteAara covers her face with her hands. "Ah gods," she moans. "What have I been doing?"
"There have to be better ways to do this. I'll ask Ga...er...I'll ask another assassin I know."
ReplyDelete"It won't do any good," she says, lifting her head to look at him and pointedly ignoring his mention of Gath. "I'm going back in a few days for my next assignment."
ReplyDelete"That's a girl."
"No! Why are you encouraging her poisoning herself!"
ReplyDelete"Because to quit now would make today a waste," she says, pushing her hair over her shoulder.
ReplyDelete"But you don't have to poison yourself! What if something goes wrong?"
ReplyDelete"I had a backup today, and I made the antidote correctly."
ReplyDeleteGoddard begins to pace. "And what if you don't have your backup? What if something isn't mixed right?"
ReplyDeleteShe sits, clashing her hands together and looking up at him. "I wouldn't do it without backup, and Lock wouldn't allow it. And I already mix medicines, this isn't any different."
ReplyDelete"What if your backup is busy? Or doesn't get a message until it's too late? And you saw birds lecai! We're inside! Sethai wasn't even around. What if you see something else while mixing?"
ReplyDeleteShe nods. "All right. I didn't plan well, I'll give you that. Two, some water? But belladonna overdose is known to cause hallucinations, and since I'm not hurt or tied down, I can only assume they were tame at worst." Taking a sip, she continues. "But the effects don't linger in the body. I've done the reading, Goddard. In theory I could make any poison I wanted, but I have to have practical training also. That doesn't mean pumping myself full of poison every time, but at least some hands on learning is necessary."
ReplyDelete"Poison me then!"
ReplyDeleteShe goes pale at the thought. "What? No!"
ReplyDelete"You need hands on learning right? Well, you can have it and not risk messing up. You'll be able to handle everything and there wouldn't be any problems."
ReplyDelete"No! That's insane! I won't risk you that way!"
ReplyDelete"I'd rather me be risked than you be risked. You agree, right Two?"
ReplyDeleteTwo scratches his beard. "Maybe I should shave? Kryn might like a pretty man."
ReplyDelete"I won't do it!"
"You will if you want to keep playing with poison!"
ReplyDelete"I will not!"
ReplyDelete"You don't think you can do it? Then why do it to yourself? How do you think I feel?"
ReplyDelete"That's not the way to see it! I put my life on the line all the time. In a controlled situation- like today- I'd be fine. I am fine."
ReplyDelete"No...no I don't think I will shave. I'm quite pretty as it is, and Kryn doesn't complain over a little beard burn."
"Then give me the poison and I'll be fine too! And then I don't have to worry! Shut up Two!"
ReplyDeleteShe walks over to him and reaches up to grab a fistful of hair, pulling him down to press her forehead to his. "I can't," she whispers. "I couldn't bear to give you a moment of discomfort at my hand. I just can't."
ReplyDelete"I might like it?" he shrugs.
ReplyDelete"Not this kind," she assures him. "Today was terrible, and it's nothing like playing with knives."
ReplyDelete"Then, I suppose I'll have to just take my own poison and you'll have to work with that instead of something you give me."
ReplyDeleteShe gasps and steps back. "Don't you dare!" She pauses as a thought occurs to her. "I'm willing to compromise, though. What if you went with me, and were my backup if I have to do this again?"
ReplyDelete"I will be an anxious mess unless I drink the poison because aafter I drink it, I'm not sure I'd have the capacity to think let alone worry."
ReplyDelete"I won't accept that. But I'll let Lock teach you the antidote so you'll have it ready if I can't do it or mine is wrong. Then you only have to administer it."
ReplyDeleteGoddard frowns. "I don't want to meet this Lock because I might end up killing him. Just hand me the recipe or something or tell Tallyn and Gill again..." he crosses his arms and hunches a bit. "You feel they know more anyway..."
ReplyDelete"That's not how it is... You know I trust you."
ReplyDeleteGoddard plops himself into a chair after pacing and rubs his forehead.
ReplyDeleteShe perches on his knees, not quite sure how close she should get. "I'm going to take every precaution, I promise," she swears. "But I can't use you as a test subject. And I may not ingest another poison at all," she adds.
ReplyDelete"And why can't you? I've been one big test subject my whole life. What's one more experiment?"
ReplyDelete"Because you've been one big test subject your whole life. I won't use you that way."
ReplyDeleteHe tries unsuccessfully to hide a smile. "For you, I wouldn't mind."
ReplyDeleteShe starts to shake her head, then pauses, turning slightly green. Covering her mouth, she runs for the bathroom.
ReplyDelete"That could have been on me," Goddard whispers.
ReplyDelete"Be glad it's not, Sheik," Two tells him, putting his feet up. "It's not her first experience with this. Well, belladonna it is, but in general."
ReplyDelete"She's done this before?"
ReplyDelete"In a way. Ustadh wanted us to be familiar with poisons, in case we ever had cause to taste our charge's meals. I'll bet if you look closely, you'll see a small scar on her foot from a snake bite. He waited until each of us was ready to leave him, but since she left so young..." He shrugs. "We all have a taste at some point."
ReplyDelete"Is there anything I can do short of tying her down so she can't poison herself?"
ReplyDeleteHe shrugs again. "I don't know. Probably not. You could go with her to see what this next lesson is. If it's too much, piss of her off and distract her while you two leave." He taps his temple and grins devilishly. "Use that brilliant mind of yours, Sheik."
ReplyDelete"Or I'll just take whatever vial and drink it before she can stop me," he mumbles. "I can't think when I'm worried she's going to hurt herself."
ReplyDelete"That would motivate her for sure."
ReplyDeleteAara comes back to common room, holding a large piece of the broken door handle and looking confused. "I didn't...did I?" She asks, holding it up.
"That was all you lecai," Goddard says, covering his mouth.
ReplyDelete"What else did I break?" she gasps. "I didn't see anything."
ReplyDelete"I had to stop you every time you went after some poor inanimate object."
ReplyDeleteHer face flushes, and she just sits on the floor where she stands. "Tallyn's going to be so mad."
ReplyDelete"Yes he is." Goddard kneels in front of her and takes the broken piece. "Especially since I was the one who broke it. He may have let you off the hook, but not me."
ReplyDeleteShe lets out a huge sigh of relief. "So I didn't break anything?"
ReplyDelete"My heart at the fact you were poisoning yourself, but no, you didn't."
ReplyDeleteShe looks miserable and clasps his hands to her chest. "I'm so sorry I upset you. Lock offered to let me stay there; I should have."
ReplyDeleteGoddard wraps his arms around her and hugs her tightly before sitting back. "I suppose I deserve it," he says softly.
ReplyDelete"My absence maybe, but not that," she whispers. "Will you forgive me?"
ReplyDelete"Of course. I can't think of any situation where I wouldn't forgive you."
ReplyDeleteShe hugs him tightly for a moment before sitting back. "Weren't we talking when I started hallucinating?"
ReplyDeleteGoddard takes a deep breath. "Yes, we were."
ReplyDelete"What was it?"
ReplyDelete"What...what I had done earlier..." He looks down at the floor, afraid to look at her eyes.
ReplyDelete"Goddard?" she asks, concerned. "What was it? I remember...I remember talking in the bathroom, but I don't remember how I left the bathroom."
ReplyDelete"You remember what I...did right? But then...the cuts. I was trying to tell you I did them myself."
ReplyDeleteShe switches to druhirr, glancing at Two. "You mean...Gath?" she asks softly, looking down at her hands. "I remember."
ReplyDeleteGoddard follows her lead. "Yes but, it wasn't him. I wanted to make sure you knew that."
ReplyDeleteHer hands clench each other tighter. "It wasn't? You...you don't trust him more than me with that?"
ReplyDelete"I did them all to myself. It's about trusting myself and I don't. I don't want to hurt you again or scare you."
ReplyDeleteShe instantly thinks of the scars on her neck, a grim reminder of what nearly happened on his ship, and what Two walked in on in Araby. "I trust you."
ReplyDelete"I don't know why you do. I was 'corrected' multiple times," he mumbles. "I'm sorry..."
ReplyDelete"Because you made me feel safe enough to take off my veil."
ReplyDeleteGoddard smiles and reaches a hand toward her face, hoping she doesn't try to move from his touch. "All I ever want is for you to be safe."
ReplyDelete"That's why I know I can trust you," she murmurs, leaning into his touch. "Demon blood or no."
ReplyDelete"Definitely not shaving," Two says to himself, admiring his beard in a knife reflection.
Goddard rolls his eyes then moves toward Aara, hands along her jaw, to kiss her.
ReplyDeleteShe smiles but pulls back slightly. "Um. Charcoal," she explains. "I can still taste it."
ReplyDeleteHe snickers. "That's a bit much even for me."
ReplyDelete"That's why I tried to make you go away earlier."
ReplyDelete"And here I thought it was because you hated me."
ReplyDelete"I could never hate you. I just know how much it must have disgusted you," she laughs.
ReplyDelete"I was too worried about you killing yourself to be fully disgusted."
ReplyDelete"I did wand you," she laughs.
ReplyDelete"About you trying to kill yourself or about you potentially being sick?"
ReplyDelete"Being sick was a certainty. Part of what I added in was a purgative." She looks up uncertainly. "We can do this, right? This agreement? I'm not mad."
ReplyDelete"I never really agreed to your poison lessons."
ReplyDelete"That's not what I mean and you know it." Even though her head is pounding and her throat feels like she's swallowed hot coals, she smiles. "And I'm not sure those are up for too much more negotiation."
ReplyDelete"In all fairness, he started it. Have a talk with him. Threaten him maybe? I was doing alright for a while!"
ReplyDeleteShe shakes her head. "I'm sure he did, but I can't. I'd ask questions I don't really want the answers to and cause myself a lot of pain and angst over it." She shrugs. "It's not just you and me against the world anymore, and I have to remember that."
ReplyDelete"Questions? Just tell him you'll stab him."
ReplyDelete"Over what? Doing what I encouraged you to do? Which I'm never doing again, by the way."
ReplyDelete"He'll bring that up I'm sure and he'll be grumpy but that's too bad? And he won't listen to me...obviously..."
ReplyDeleteShe shrugs. "I..." Aara lets out a surprised laugh. "I don't really care."
ReplyDeleteGoddard looks surprised. "That doesn't sound good at all."
ReplyDeleteShe shrugs again. "Why?"
Delete